I Am Blessed

When I decided to spend another year in Korea, my main motivation was that I love my job there. I admit the money is nice, but I'm not one to stick it out at a job I hate, no matter how good the money is. Additional incentive stemmed from the fact that most of the year was an incredibly unhappy time for me- I was still reeling from the death of my father, and having my heart shattered not long I arrived in Korea didn't help matters. Certainly there were fun times and bright spots, but I spent the majority of my time in a rather dismal place. (And that, quite possibly, might be the understatement of the year, my friends.)

So, I wanted to do it again with no baggage. I wanted to just experience it for what it is, and enjoy the opportunity and the moments without a dark cloud hanging over my head.

And yet, as so many other times, things have not turned out the way I planned. Instead of busting at the seams to return, instead of a few weeks of restlessness and boredeom, I've experienced what has quite possibly been the best summer of my life. Leaving now is, almost literally, breaking my heart.

It's almost too painful, and too personal, to write about. I feel as though even trying to put it into words belittles it. I can't explain how much I dread saying good-bye to what could very well be the best thing that ever happened to me, knowing very well that I may be making the biggest mistake of my life. I hate leaving my friends, knowing that I won't be here to help them through rough times and celebrate in good. My friends are my family, and provide me with a sense of belonging that has been permanently absent from my life.

I am, for the first time in my adult life, not listening to my gut. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to stay.

But I will still leave.

And yet, as I stumble under the weight of a heavy heart, there is this.....

I have got to be one the luckiest girls on the planet. I have an incredible life here. I have old friends and new friends who accept me just as I am, no questions asked. My friends smile when they see me and will miss me when I am gone. They laugh both with me and at me, and they invite me into their lives.

Really, what more can a girl ask for?

And incredibly, I have been given the same thing- a wonderful life filled with amazing people- in Korea.

So although it hurts me to say good-bye, I leave knowing that my friendships are strong, and although they might take a different form while I'm gone, this is only the beginning.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Anaïs Nin

**copied on MS