Tour of Daejeon- Part One

If you know me, you know I'm a genius. Even if you don't know me, I'm sure you've figured it out.

That I left my camera in St. Louis proves nothing.

*repeatedly bangs head against wall*

So while I sort out the Great Camera Debacle, here are some photos for you to enjoy, courtesy of the brilliant Laura Parks, who hails from that really big country just north of the United States and has a laugh that you just can't help laughing along with.

We'll begin our tour today with the big picture. The apartments in Korea are ginormous. They had to rebuild quickly after the war, and of course there are a lot of people inhabiting limited space here. Hence the buildings that go on and on and on. And on. And on.

Now we'll move on to everyday sights and sounds. Here we have Downtown Daejeon. It's chock full of restaurants, bars, and all the shopping you could want. Ok, I admit I said that with sarcasm, but in all honesty, it's a fun and active place and I often take the subway there to spend a few hours just walking around.

Here we find some children sitting near the market. Aren't they precious?

And finally, we arrive at a game of jump rope, that universally loved children's past-time. Except...wait.....what? Those aren't children. Those are men! Full grown men!!!!
Oh my. Fascinating. Well, as Laura says, a man isn't a real man until he's jumped rope.

Are you hungry? Perhaps we should stop at a market and pick up a snack. Here, try some dried squid.

Or some dried anchovies.

You seem tired. I think that's enough for today. Thanks for stopping by! Come back around this weekend, there's plenty more to see and do in wonderful Daejeon!

One Month Down...

Greetings!

The weather has turned cold, which is unfortunate as I will have to start wearing regular shoes to work. I currently wear flip flops as we are not allowed to wear "outside shoes" into school, and it's easiest to flip off the outside flops and slip on the inside flops. You'll be amused to know that as the weather has turned colder, I've taken to wearing socks with my flips, which means that the thong part squishes the socks down between my big and second toes. It's very sexy.

Although it's very quiet and I get stared at a lot due to the lack of foreigners in my immediate area, my dong is starting to grow on me. There's a giant trampoline down the block that it so genius and so wonderful I wonder why it hasn't taken off in the U.S. yet. (I'm sure it has to do with the "inherent danger" of the evil trampoline. Koreans are much less protective of their offspring than we are, and as a result, these kids are tough- much tougher than myself!) 6 trampolines joined together, covered by a giant dome-shaped tarp. It's fantastical. There's also an apartment park down the other block, and a larger neighborhood park about 10 minutes away. The old ladies sit on the sidewalk selling their vegetables, and the mothers haggle with them over bundles of turnips. I've taken to walking around the streets for a short while after work, and I discover something new every time, no matter how many times I've already paced the street.

I've yet to seen blatant proof of this, but I've seen hints of it----- I live on Prositution Row. There's many bars on my street with the windows darkened, and others have booths that are visible through the windows but there are curtains surrounding the booth, which is a sure sign of suspicious activity.

More ludicrous than the fact that my school put me up on this street is the fact that a hagwon is being built here, and it's the first ground level hagwon that I've ever seen.

"Kids, let's talk about jobs. See that lady walking down the street? What is her job?" "Prostitute, teacher!" "Good job, class! Can you spell prositute?" "P-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-e." "Very good!!"

I'm finally remembering all the good things- and bad- things about being here. The good things are my kids, and the laughs they give me, and watching them learn. Eating dinner with my friends. Being independent and not having to answer to anyone. The subway. Green tea. Men carrying purses. Going to the market and not having any idea what those crazy vegetables are. Having time to read and watch movies. Kids wearing shirts that say "Eat shit" and "Tell your boobs to stop looking at my face" and being completely clueless about it - one of my favorite kids (she's about 16) wore a shirt today that said *In nature, the little head does all the thinking.* If she only knew!

The bad things are the lack of bookstores with English books. Not being able to communicate when the cashier accuses me of not giving her enough money. Korean men who think I'm a hooker. Being years older than all the girls here, and listening to them moan about how old they are. Listening to girls complain about how fat they are. (Would you complain about your glasses to a blind man? Would you complain to a quadraplegic about sore knees after running a race? Sure, I love my tits and ass, but come on!) TV- they show the same horrible shows and movies over and over and over again. The noise- everyone is loud here. Cars honking 24/7. People yelling in the street at 2 am. Missing my nephews. Missing my friends. Being the only single person in a group of people who have somehow managed to find companionship in this desolate and strange place. Saying goodbye- always saying goodbye.

The worst thing is the loneliness. Even for those lucky enough - or stupid enough- to have found love here, loneliness is a constant. I don't know why. Maybe it's being away from home, or not being able to communicate, or the constant emigration of people, but it's difficult to feel connected here. Sometimes, the loneliness runs so deep that I can hear the pulsing of my heart echo through my body.

The past month has flown by, and I know the rest of the year will too. I try not to think about coming home, but I do. Part of me can't wait to come back- when something makes you happy, it only makes sense that you'd want to be with it all the time (stolen from a movie, I can't remember which one). But part of me loves this freedom and this life and although it's not exactly stable, in a perverse way, it offers me security and protection.

I keep reminding myself that I returned to Korea for very specific reasons. I think as long as I accomplish my goals, I'll be ready to come home.

If not......

I miss you all. I hope that each day is filled with your own personal Snow Cake.

20 Days In

I've been back a few weeks now, and things are finally starting to fall into place.

My apartment is much nicer than the "accommodations" I was provided with last year. It's still kind of a dump, and the couple that left didn't exactly do a stellar job of cleaning, but I'm just happy to have 3 rooms instead of one. Living in a closet isn't exactly condusive to a positive attitude, you know?

I'm really struggling with the social scene- it's totally different people and a completely different vibe than last year. Keith and I were discussing it the other night- every year, you get a bunch of young punks who think they're the shiznit and strut around like their shit don't stink. By the time they've started to settle down and act human, it's a year later, they're out and are replaced by a pack of thugs exactly like them. Then you have the guys who are 40 and 50, acting like they're 22 and hitting on anything that walks. There's not a lot of happy medium to be found.


I admit that I made my fair share of mistakes last year, but I have made a genuine effort to atone for most of them. Unfortunately, sometimes, like last weekend, it comes back to bite me in the ass.


On the plus side, school is going pretty well. All hagwons are managed with a certain amount of madness and circular logic, not to mention a complete lack of time management and organization. Several things have already changed at my school since I signed my contract, which irritates me but isn't worth getting worked up about. However, my boss told me the other day that she knows I've been working hard and that she appreciates it, and that's something I never heard from my previous institution. Some of the classes are easy almost to the point of boredom, but some of them are actually above my head. I'm having to do a lot of review about past participles and second present possessive or whatever that crap is. Some of my kids are reading condensed versions of Wuthering Heights, Around the World in 80 Days, Lord of the Flies (which I accidentally called Lord of the Rings all through class, my kids think I'm crazy.) I love it, I can't believe I actually spent 30 minutes last week discussing Wuthering Heights with some 12 year old Korean kids! I was pleasantly surprised with their insights about character, plot, motivation...just goes to show that the classics are exactly that for a reason. They speak to everyone on some level. I live for those moments. The only real challenge I'm facing is that the prior teacher didn't exactly make them work- they spent a lot of time playing games and coloring, and were allowed to leave class early. They also received workbook pages for homework, whereas my boss has requested that I make them write short essays. So they resent me for making them do actual work, and they are too young to

If I may toot my own horn for a moment- a relative newbie approached me last weekend and asked for advice about managing his classes. It was our first time meeting but he said that I seemed "very confident" about teaching and he'd been looking for someone to give him "practical" advice. It's rare for someone to see me as a, I don't know, it was just really nice that someone thought I knew what I was talking about. And I do. I'm not the best teacher in the world, I haven't studied for it, but I rarely have a problem with students. Mostly I just love my job and I love my students and that's half the battle right there. I'm still trying to get into my groove in the classroom and get a feel for the students, I'm definitely not at the top of my game right now, but it'll come.

That's just how I roll.

Endings and Beginnings

As I write this, I am sitting outside 'Angel in-us Coffee' in downtown Daejeon, drinking a 4,000 won cup of green tea. (This is a rare splurge for me.)

On my last day in St. Louis, Erin and her extraordinary daughters picked me up and we met Bret and Aidan at the zoo, followed by birthday ice-cream at Ted Drew's. Afterwards Mindy, Laura and I went to a wine festival at Forest Park, and the night ended with dinner at Chuy's, which is where we met for the first time, 3 months ago. And circles being what they are, we had the same waiter we'd had the first night.

I was reasonably sure that I was leaving the next day, but having never received the requested confirmation from my school, it wasn't until I phoned the airline the next morning to confirm my flight that it started to hit me, and even then a part of me figured that I'd get to the airport only to be told that the flight hadn't been booked.

Bret took Aidan and I to Fitz's, where I ordered a veggie sandwich only to cry all over it. The ride to the airport and saying goodbye were beyond painful- saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult enough without doing it at the most difficult time in their life. Even as I think about it now I get teary eyed. (Of course, I cry at long distance commercials and puppies too, so it's really not that remarkable.)

California was great, I only had one whole day there but it was wonderful to see my cousins and Trish and I had some thought-provoking conversation, I was feeling a lot better about leaving by the time I left for Korea.

Singapore Airlines is phat. The girls are so beautiful, they take my breath away. It was also my first experience with free alcohol on an airplane- after about 6 glasses of wine and a sleeping pill, I finally managed to nod off- for one measly hour. Still, that's more than I normally sleep on a plane.

I cried a lot on the plane, but when we landed in Seoul, I had this strange sensation of "coming home." It caught me off guard, but I believe it's mainly because I was coming to a job and my own apartment, two things that keep you settled and two things I've been without for too many months.

Much to my surprise, I navigated my way through customs and the purchasing of my bus ticket with no problems. While I was waiting for the bus, I spied two cars drive up and park in the bus lane, and one of them had flowers attached to the hood, signifying that they were just married. The door opened and out stepped the bride, wearing white sneakers with red and blue stripes, blue jeans faded on the thighs, and a white t-shirt peeking out from under a maroon and white plaid button down. Following her was her groom- wearing the EXACT SAME THING.
I was laughing my ass off, this is so typical of Korea- I've often seen couples wearing matching shirts or hats, and lingerie stores sell matching underwear and pajamas, but this is the first time I've seen completely matching outfits. In true Korean fashion, even after the busses arrived and started honking at them, it still took another 5 minutes for the cars to pull away and they caused a major traffic jam.

My friend Hannah picked me up at the bus stop and I crashed at her place, it didn't take very long for me to fall asleep but I woke up early. Thursday I went downtown (where I started writing this- it is now Tuesday afternoon) and hung out, then met some friends. Hannah got me some Birthday Tiramisu, another friend took me to lunch and gave me an incredibly sweet present, and Sarah and I had a nice birthday dinner, but besides that, it was pretty low key, I didn't really celebrate.

Friday Troy's girlfriend picked me up and took me to Troy's apartment, where I'll be staying until the other teachers at my school leave next week.

I've done a bit of walking around my dong (neighborhood), but it's pretty quiet- much slower paced and more family oriented than my old dong. I think there's a small mountain right up the street, which I plan on hiking one morning this week, and there's a walking park down the block. And although I'm way on the outskirts of town, I'm only 5 minutes from the subway- last year it was about a 20 minute walk.

My school is 180 degrees different than my old school, which is exactly what I wanted. Although I'll be teaching about 8 hours more a week, my actual time at school is a lot less than it was (I can leave when my classes are finished, used to be there were days I was finished at 6:30 but still had to wait at school till 9), the classes are much smaller (3-8 kids instead of 10-15), and just a lot less intense. Unfortunately, since Troy and I are the only foreign teachers here, I won't get much vacation time, but my old school didn't give me the vacation time they promised anyway. There's still a lot of typical hagwon BS to deal with, but anything is better than what I dealt with last year.

I had an interesting experience with a jerkwad Korean man. After a brief "conversation" with him on the street, I hailed a taxi and as I climbed into the backseat, the man shoved me over and climbed in with me. I was a bit taken aback, and in this moment of shock, the man shut the door and told the driver to head out. I suddenly realized that this guy thought I was a prostitute- I should have realized this sooner, as the man wore a huge shit-eating grin while we were talking, but Koreans love talking to foreigners so it's difficult to tell if it's an "I'm so happy to be talking to you so that I can practice my English" smile or if it's an "I'm so happy because I'm going to have sex with a big white woman" smile. I tried to be polite and started explaining that I was not a prostitute, and finally started yelling at him to get the hell out of the taxi. The driver finally figured out what was going on and pulled over and the man apologized, handed me a baby pinecone, and left the taxi. The driver told me he was drunk- it was, after all, 11:45 in the morning.

I'm not sure how I feel about being here. I'm so relieved to have a home again (well, almost) and a job and to not be a burden on anyone. However, I'm grieving for the friends I left behind. So far, I've not done much- I stayed home Friday and Saturday night and went to bed early (I've been falling asleep at 7 or 8 and waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning. Whee!) I guess I'm just not fully adjusted yet. And I wish for so many things, but like they say, you can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

And More....

"Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance." Rabindranath Tagore

I Am Blessed

When I decided to spend another year in Korea, my main motivation was that I love my job there. I admit the money is nice, but I'm not one to stick it out at a job I hate, no matter how good the money is. Additional incentive stemmed from the fact that most of the year was an incredibly unhappy time for me- I was still reeling from the death of my father, and having my heart shattered not long I arrived in Korea didn't help matters. Certainly there were fun times and bright spots, but I spent the majority of my time in a rather dismal place. (And that, quite possibly, might be the understatement of the year, my friends.)

So, I wanted to do it again with no baggage. I wanted to just experience it for what it is, and enjoy the opportunity and the moments without a dark cloud hanging over my head.

And yet, as so many other times, things have not turned out the way I planned. Instead of busting at the seams to return, instead of a few weeks of restlessness and boredeom, I've experienced what has quite possibly been the best summer of my life. Leaving now is, almost literally, breaking my heart.

It's almost too painful, and too personal, to write about. I feel as though even trying to put it into words belittles it. I can't explain how much I dread saying good-bye to what could very well be the best thing that ever happened to me, knowing very well that I may be making the biggest mistake of my life. I hate leaving my friends, knowing that I won't be here to help them through rough times and celebrate in good. My friends are my family, and provide me with a sense of belonging that has been permanently absent from my life.

I am, for the first time in my adult life, not listening to my gut. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to stay.

But I will still leave.

And yet, as I stumble under the weight of a heavy heart, there is this.....

I have got to be one the luckiest girls on the planet. I have an incredible life here. I have old friends and new friends who accept me just as I am, no questions asked. My friends smile when they see me and will miss me when I am gone. They laugh both with me and at me, and they invite me into their lives.

Really, what more can a girl ask for?

And incredibly, I have been given the same thing- a wonderful life filled with amazing people- in Korea.

So although it hurts me to say good-bye, I leave knowing that my friendships are strong, and although they might take a different form while I'm gone, this is only the beginning.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Anaïs Nin

**copied on MS

Numb

I'm leaving in 9 days. Writing about what I'm leaving behind is too painful and to even try to put it into words seems like making light of something that is leaving my heart raw.

I have to go. But I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.



“Where's the good in goodbye?”