Every day, I think about posting, but my thoughts are so scrambled that I can't organize them into coherence. Conversely, I've been trying to not think so hard about things and just enjoy the ride. As a result, my brain is an endless cycle of white space followed by an attempt to burst out of my skull, over and over again.
Aaaahhhh.....I've tried to write the next paragraph three times. It's all cuckoo's nest and BS.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Blue
I am more aware of my single status than I've ever been before. I'm surrounded by couples and families and it seems that every week, another (younger) cousin is getting married or having a baby, or is at least in a serious relationship headed that direction.
I can justify being single all I want- I can travel, I can do whateverI want without having to answer to anyone, I can go to the bars and make out with anyone I choose and then walk away without looking back. What I love most about being single is the solidarity it gives me with my friends- I am much closer to them when I don't have a guy in my life. However, the bitter truth may very well be that there is something fundamentally un-marriable about me, some major flaw that is invisible and absolute at the same time.
For the first time in my life, I'm seeing a guy who has a kid- something I would have previously avoided at any cost- and it has turned my life upside down. Watching him with his kid is almost torture, as it evokes a fierce battle inside me. All the benefits of being single are paltry compared to being a part of a family unit- waking up every morning next to the one you love, eating breakfast with your kids, watching them experience new things for the first time..... I see people take that for granted and I just want to shake them and make them understand how lucky they are.
Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. Paul Pearshall
I can justify being single all I want- I can travel, I can do whateverI want without having to answer to anyone, I can go to the bars and make out with anyone I choose and then walk away without looking back. What I love most about being single is the solidarity it gives me with my friends- I am much closer to them when I don't have a guy in my life. However, the bitter truth may very well be that there is something fundamentally un-marriable about me, some major flaw that is invisible and absolute at the same time.
For the first time in my life, I'm seeing a guy who has a kid- something I would have previously avoided at any cost- and it has turned my life upside down. Watching him with his kid is almost torture, as it evokes a fierce battle inside me. All the benefits of being single are paltry compared to being a part of a family unit- waking up every morning next to the one you love, eating breakfast with your kids, watching them experience new things for the first time..... I see people take that for granted and I just want to shake them and make them understand how lucky they are.
Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. Paul Pearshall
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